The Camgirl Diaries

Being a cam girl is kind of like having any other job. You show up, know the expectations and try to meet them. You have a schedule and show up on time (consistency is key), if you’re sick you have someone to “call in” to. You have to manage your time, your resources, your energy wisely. And work a good number of hours a day.

I’m sure if you’re a pornstar, or something of that sort, you sit around filing your nails and men pay you hundreds of dollars. But it isn’t like that for all of us, and I’m speaking from the perspective of someone who’s fairly objectively pretty. Above average at least, and I can’t imagine the work those that aren’t good looking (and most of them aren’t) have to put in. 

That’s the other thing. It’s not all as glamorous as I thought before I was inside the game. I don’t mean glamorous like high-class, but more in the way Nomi looks up to Cristal Connors in Showgirls. There’s an allure to the taboo, the unknown, the notion of good looking girls being lauded with praise by men, lots of glitter involved and everyone has perfect boobs. But this isn’t a strip club. And it’s definitely not a really top notch strip club. Because it’s the internet – anyone, anywhere, whom possesses a smartphone or computer can be a cam girl these days. Which means out of your random population sampling of the demographic of say, 20 to 40 year old women who are willing to pull their boobs out, most are going to be mediocre looking at best. I don’t say that to be mean, only because it’s something I found very interesting when I dipped my toe in the waters a couple months back.

Well, not only a couple months all things considered. I was on the internet first, Chatterbate. Hated it. Felt every bit as cheap and used as my limited lingerie collection just as I’d expected it to. I stopped for a bit, sold content on Snapchat. But you have to be willing to go by market rates meaning, you don’t make much money because some girls are willing to do it for free. Kinda rigs that game. I went back to regular live-streaming for a bit, then along came Clapper. After Clapper came Fambase. I started making more in a couple hours a day than my regular salary and it just kinda stuck.

Something about the app-based camming is far more comfortable to me, perhaps because I live streamed on other apps in the year leading up to this experience. Maybe it’s the attitude of the viewers, maybe I look better on a phone than webcam. I don’t know. I make more money on apps, but I know girls who do well on the internet also. I don’t know much at all about porn though; PornHub is foreign to me and always will be. 

Because, we differentiate. At least I do. There’s a difference between performing, and porn. To me porn is this even more taboo, risqué thing that’s kinda icky. Camming is just acting, pleasing the crowd, putting on a good show. Maybe this is just a thing I tell myself to sleep at night. Maybe the money I make bought the blanket I’ll sleep nicely under too. Again, I equate it more to stripping; for some it can be very porny. I guess I’m what you’d call a vanilla cam girl; I don’t do everything some of the other girls do.

For example, did you know there are sex machines? Like boxes that punch you with a fake dick. No lie. What if it malfunctioned? I refuse to get put in a position where I am being punched by a dildo and can’t make it stop. I’ll shove a vibrating toy inside me and let people tip it, sure. That’s not gonna catch fire and explode. Some of the things I’ve seen and heard are wild. And what I’ve seen and heard is limited; I haven’t been around very long.

I never thought I’d have a job that made me horrified by mosquito bites; once, I got a shitton of bug bites living in the south and had to hide one side of me for a week. There’s a lot to hide – honestly, you hide almost everything. I cover my face in makeup, my hair with a wig. My identity with a username / persona, my true self, my real orgasms. All of it stays hidden. Others only see what I want them to, and that control is what allows me to do this. Like I said, all acting. I put on a different perfume before performing; there begins a complete dissociation of the self and a key few character traits.